For the one who’s thinking about risking with God again

Someone wrote to me about their deconstructing and how they are thinking of risking again:

 I am deconstructing my faith and working on forming a healthy spirituality…it is scary and beautiful. It is so hard to feel understood by those without a similar past but also by people who have the same past but hold different beliefs than I do currently. There is lots of hiding and lots of fear. Perhaps I can trust others enough to let me be right where I am and still love me.

 In response, as I’ll often do, I wrote this prayer:

 A prayer for the one considering whether to risk with God again.

I am starting to wonder about you again. 

I am thinking about walking with you through this life and seeing what you say about me, this world, and what you might tell me about yourself.

Can I bring my whole self to you?

Like the parts I’ve broken down that now remain as rubble beneath my feet?

And the parts that I’m wondering if I should brush off and pick back up?

Have you wondered where I’ve been? Have you even noticed?

 Will these years and months away make you look at me differently?

 Will my questions and doubts threaten you?

 Will my friends carry these questions and doubts that fill my mind with tenderness and care?

 It’s scary to risk being known and seen—when all the things I’ve once held to be true are like the waters that come and go from the shore of the sea.

 They say I can talk to you and that you’ll hear me—will you help me see you? Will you show me your true ways and the goodness of your nectar-filled words—the ones that bring life to my weary soul? Will you help me name the hurts that have been caused by spiritual talkers?

 I don’t know where this pathway leads—the one that still feels shaky and wobbly, the one that is still filled with many questions along the way—so will you walk with me? Will you send safe ones to me?

 Will you be a safe place for me?

 Amen.