Can I Continue to Attend Worship if I’m Doubting God?
I wonder if you have ever wrestled with this question or some variety of it: Can I continue to attend worship if I am doubting God? Having recently encouraged a friend to keep coming to church and to continue asking his questions, it was this question that he posed with some disquiet. And understandably so.
I Have a Weary Longing for Cognitive Rest
On the one hand, I had not been sufficiently attentive to the weariness that comes with the kind of doubt and wavering my friend was experiencing.
Shame on me. I really should’ve been more considerate of the mental and emotional weight that is so often carried when one can no longer come to God with the degree of confidence they once knew.
We long to find cognitive rest again.
On the other hand, he had been taught by the church he formerly attended as well as by the culture at large, that hypocrisy is a terrible thing. Repeatedly, he heard that worship is for believers—for those who have settled their doubts and who have sided with the faithful. Ingrained in him was the sense that to be present and to participate in worship without being able to affirm what was said and done was a disqualifying inconsistency.
Culturally, this perception was reinforced by others he had begun to meet with in an online group. Even these friends who weren’t Christians confirmed that to be in church and to attend worship while doubtful is hypocritical.
But If I Doubt Doesn’t That Make Me a Hypocrite in Jesus’ Eyes?
Moreover, as my friend would point out, it was no less than Jesus himself who spoke against hypocrisy and who condemned those who make show of a faith they do not actually or fully possess. He did not say so specifically, but it seemed Jesus words as preserved by Matthew were uppermost in his mind. Some of you reading this might be thinking of them even now.
With considerable clarity, Matthew records Jesus’ calling out those who give money, who pray out loud, and who practice their acts of worship before others without keeping a clear eye upon God. With startling definitiveness, Jesus’ condemned the hypocrisy of leading churchgoers in his own day. He seems to rail at those whose faith was insufficiently real or robust[1].
On this reading, surely Jesus would not be welcoming of a doubter attending a service of worship. But do we have this quite right? Is my friend and are we reading Jesus words correctly?
Does Jesus have in view those who might pray, fast, gather for worship, while wresting with their doubts? Honestly, I doubt it!
For at least two reasons, I suggest we can (and maybe should) attend worship even with our doubts.
First, what Matthew records Jesus opposing is not acknowledged doubt but false faith. Jesus’ remarks are directed toward the faith-professing-person who desires and seeks out the praise of others.
The hypocrite is not the man or woman who honestly and admittedly struggles with doubt (even while seeking out God). Rather, Jesus strong words against the hypocrite land at the feet of those who seek to gain the approval of others by practicing a flamboyant faith.
Jesus is not addressing the honest doubter who retains some desire for God and who still hopes to experience more of God. Ironically, being honest about the doubts we face can prevent us from inappropriately play-acting at faith or co-opting faith in pursuit of the approval of others, thereby assuring us that we are not being hypocritical.
But How Would Jesus Relate to Me if I Came to Worship with My Doubts?
Second,
Matthew’s consistent presentation of Jesus is not that of a strident figure ready to pounce upon those possessing a weak or faltering faith.
On the contrary, Matthew seems to deliberately foster a portrait of Jesus as one who is patient with and welcoming of those jostled about by suspicion, hesitancy, and doubt. We see this in:
Matthew’s record of Jesus’ invitation to come to him, to learn from him, and to receive rest in him. Rather than any suggestion of preference for the wise and understanding, or any aloofness toward those who do not have a lock on faith, we are met with the gentleness of Jesus who is concerned for the burdened and weary.[2]
Matthew’s twinned description of Jesus’ ministry – “a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench”— which is as beautiful as it is tender. The picture here is of a ministry conducted with such gentleness and compassion that no one who is weak and in need of Jesus’ healing or help ought to fear being turned away or trampled upon.[3]
Matthew’s recounting of Jesus’ patience with his own fearful disciple’s whose faith was mixed with doubt. When Peter stepped out of the boat but lacked faith enough to stand in the face of a storm, Jesus recognized Peter’s “little faith” yet willingly received Peter’s worship along with the other disciples. In truth, not just Peter, but each of the disciples offering their worship to Jesus within the boat possessed something less than full-fledged faith.[4]
What Matthew records Jesus opposing is not acknowledged doubt but false faith.
Toward the climax of his account and connected to Jesus’ appointing his eleven disciples to continue his ministry, Matthew notes a wider group of followers who joined in worship and yet who were hesitant. Although willing to join with the eleven, and obedient to directions previously given, it seems that neither news of the resurrection nor the presence of Jesus before them immediately transformed them. Whatever their comprehension of events, misapprehension and doubt was mixed in with their worship.[5]
Based on Matthew’s presentation of Jesus, including his patient and gentle treatment of those who believe and yet were prone to degrees of doubt, not only are we welcome to attend, but we are likely joining in worship with others who doubt and who are just as desirous of greater clarity and deeper faith.
[1] Matthew 6:1-18; and 23:1-36.
[2] Matthew 11:28-30.
[3] Matthew 12:20-21
[4] Matthew 14:22-33
[5] Matthew 28:16-17
